4/365

"It's as simple as something that nobody knows, but her eyes are as big as her bubbly toes..." Jack Johnson

My fave new boots have let me down and given me a blister on my big toe.

3/365

I'm a mac...
I work as a graphic designer so it's really the only way to go.

2/365

I've had quite a few very late nights at work as of recent. Some days I feel like I may as well bring a sleeping bag.

1/365

This is my first post in the 365days series. This has been going on on flickr for quite a while and I've decided to give it a try. So here's day 1, just out of the shower, not a stitch of makeup.
Be sure to take a look at my flickr page to keep up to date on this project.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/razberrykiss/

Creepy Candy...

Here's a couple pics of some odd looking candies I've come across.

<----The licorice Aliens (Licorice kids) just hanging out. Yo! Lol







Chocolate Ju jube bunnies? ------->
Who knew? BTW they tasted like icing, and there's nothing like a candy where in a 39g serving you get 24g of sugar. But you do get 2% of your daily iron and calcium. Blah.

Post #100, the good, the bad and the sometimes ugly

*******Update********
12:48am-
I spent the evening with a couple of very close friends and after spending a night laughing things feel a lot better. There's still a lot going through my head but it's nice to get a break. Thanks guys.

*****Original post*****
Well this is my 100th post.

You're probably all expecting celebratory cheers and such, but not today. Sorry.

Sometimes in an effort to make yourself look stronger you put on a tough front, you tell the world that everything is great and that you're so extremely happy that they should all hope to be like you one day. However, deep inside you're not ok.

Someone new and special in my life (TS) asked me the other day if I was lonely, of course I brushed it off and was like "nah, I'm fine", but I got to thinking about what he asked and yeah I am. There's really nothing like silence to get you thinking about what's missing in your life. I know things are really good for me compared to some.
Poor TS has problems I just wish I could brush away and make everything better.

My ex is in rehab for an addiction that took over his life and I found out that it almost ended it.

There are people starving, people in much worse situations than me.

So why is it then that I'm throwing my very own pity party? I don't know the answer to that. Probably just because I was canceled on twice today, so I'm feeling a tad rejected.
I just hope things get better soon.

I've been saying this all along...

I recently found this and I totally agree. BTW I'm a Caramel Mocha Girl...

What Your Coffee Says about You

Espresso: There's no time like the present, and there's no time to waste! The espresso drinker has a dynamic mind, and always has 101 things on the go. Make that 102.

Black: The black drinker likes a simple, uncomplicated life. They are aware of the world around them and have no trouble forming opinions -- or letting you know about them!

Café Latte: Rest and relaxation are two very important things in the life of a latte drinker. They like to take time over major decisions, preferring to watch the world go by than rush into things.

Cappuccino: The cappuccino drinker is a reliable friend who's always there in times of need. They comfort, reassure and help put things in perspective when we lose sight of the big picture.

Café Mocha: Fans of the café mocha are sometimes indecisive. They love to indulge in life's small pleasures and don't like to compromise when it comes to their individuality.

MEME

Stole this from OS,

The rules are simple. Answer each question in three words. No more, no less.

1. Where is your cell phone? In my purse
2. Boyfriend/girlfriend? Don’t have one
3. Hair? Blond, but red
4. Your mother? Sweet and loving
5. Your father? Gentle yet stern
6. Your favorite item(s)? Cellphone, ipod, minimac
7. Your dream last night? Tired, no dreams
8. Your favorite drink? Pitcher of belinis
9. Your dream guy/girl? My Mr Right
10. The room you are in? busy, noisy, home
11. Your fear? Nightime break in
12. What do you want to be in 10 years? Successful, power woman
13. Who did you hang out with last night? Best friend Rob
14. What are you not? Skinny, male, married
15. Are you in love? Once I was
16. One of your wish list items? Finding a man
17. What time is it? 8 o’clock PM
18. The last thing you did? Typed this post
19. What are you wearing? Boots, black pants
20. Your favorite book? George Orwell’s 1984
21. The last thing you ate? Pasta I made
22. Your life? Eager to start
23. Your mood? Pensive, optimistic, tired
24. Your friends? Loving, caring, supportive
25. What are you thinking about right now? Too much work
26. Your car? Old VW Jetta
27. What are you doing at this moment? Working, stressing, procrastinating
28. Your summer? Coming too slow
29. Your relationship status? Single and looking
30. What is on your TV screen? It’s not on
31. When is the last time you laughed? This last weekend
32. Last time you cried? When it ended
33. School? University of Calgary

Timing

In life it's often said that timing is everything, you get lucky and get the job you wanted cause everything went just as planned the day of the interview. You were in that car accident cause 'had you only been one second later..."

My life was recently the victim of bad timing. On Wed night (yes valentines day) I met the most amazing man, we clicked on every level. Smart, funny, goals, there was even that elusive butterfly feeling. We talked for 4 hrs and decided that we should take this up the next night over drinks and dessert. That went famously and we sorta found ourselves making out like teenagers. Sounds great doesn't it. Perfect fairy tale. But here's where the bad timing comes in. Something from his past (not going into details as they're not mine to share) came up and we came to the conclusion that it's not a good time to bring someone new in. So that's the end of that, we talked for a little bit and realized that yeah we totally get each other just the timing really sucks. He thanked me for being so understanding, but I don't see how I could have been any other way, it wasn't his fault. We've all had bad breakups where the other person decides to mess things up for you just one last time months later. So for now we parted ways, I told him to give me a call when things settle down, but we'll have to wait and see.

Will the timing ever line up just right for me?

Where things are...

Today was a little rough as I'm sure the next 2 weeks will be as well, yet somehow I kept a smile on my face the whole time... sorta.

Here's the deal, for those of you who don't know, I was supposed to be getting married in two weeks. The short version is it didn't work out. I'm better off without him and he's better off without me, so we parted ways. Those of you who know the real story and stood by me while it unfolded will say I'm being far too kind, but I'd rather look at it that way, it hurts a lot less to think we just weren't right for each other.

I'm not going to go on and on about how sad I am that it's not going to be my wedding day soon, cause I'm really not that upset about it. I've done my grieving and moved on. I just hate that look I keep getting from people when they remember what was supposed to be happening then I tell them it's not. I suppose I'm really partially to blame for that. When Neil and I ended it I changed EVERYTHING in my life, I moved, I changed jobs, I stopped talking to people I knew while he and I were together. Yes, it helped me feel a million times better, but now I guess I'm dealing with the aftermath.

You may be asking yourself why I can be as positive as I am. Well let me tell ya. It's cause I know that one of these days I'll get a break. I've put up with so much shit in the last three years that I'm bound to get lucky soon.

I've also met some really awesome people lately, I'm enjoying the new friendships and treasuring the few but wonderful old ones that despite my trying to change everything found a way to stay with me cause they saw something worth saving, for that I am forever thankful.

I love you all,
Eva

My dating personal...

Well I've decided to try this, I'm currently single and looking, I'm not looking for a fling or a one nighter but rather a relationship... so please don't message me if you're just looking for sex. Well here goes:

I'm 26, I work for a non-profit doing communications, love my job, it's very rewarding. It's nice to go home and know you made a difference. Kinda sappy I know... Sometimes a girl needs to be a bit of a dork.

I'm a independent woman, I live alone with my two cats and enjoy my quiet time; that way nobody can complain when I sing along to the radio, but would like to find someone to have a few laughs with... singing is optional. lol

As far as what I'm looking for in a man, I like a man with a good sense of humor, intelligence, adventurous, confident, handsome, as well as many other qualities. Please send a picture, you get to see me, so it's only fair. Also I love the kind of guy who likes to wear khakis or jeans and a ball cap on the weekends but dresses nice mon- fri. (Only men between 28-35 please)

I enjoy spending time outdoors hiking and skiing as well as cuddled up watching a movie with a glass of wine. I'm willing to try anything once, I actually used to write in the Calgary Sun about all my adventures with new sports and such. So pretty much I've done everything from driving a rally car to fencing and learning to snowboard (That ended with me giggling in the snow after falling off the chair lift, lol). I can totally laugh at myself and like when others can laugh at themselves as well.
I'd really love to find a versatile guy who likes to spend time out as well as a quiet night at home.

Most important of all, if you can make me laugh and bring something to the conversation you've got my attention.

So drop me a line if your interested. (razberrykiss@gmail.com)

Kisses. Evalee

Muscular Calves

Part 2 of my series... I love my calves, yet they're quite muscular.

Updates

I decided since most of my recent posts have just been about HNT I should write a little update post if you will.

Things are going great for me, I've been super crazy busy, almost all of which is self imposed.

I'm in the middle of reading an awesome book... "The tipping point" It's about social connectivity and how it affects marketing trends and other epidemics. I suggest you all go read it. And for those of you who already have, yes I realize I'm a total 'maven', I do this with everything not just my blog life.

The next thing is I recently bought the coolest cellphone, it has every feature I ever thought I wanted and some I didn't know I wanted. Just an FYI, last HNT was taken with my 2mgp camera phone. Tee hee. Also it's gold, so I like it.

My third and final thing is I'm discovering that men aren't too bad. I went on a really great date on Friday, he was a total gentleman, we went to a movie, and he called the next day. How nice is that? (Yes Os, I know when you were my age men called no matter what, I wish it was still like that)
I've also been talking to a few more men that like women with a 'bit of meat on their bones', it's really nice to hear that men in their late 20's early 30's are more open to girls like me as I'll never look like a supermodel but I make a damn great girlfriend.

Well I must be off but I'm going to try to post more often.
Kisses, Evalee

Pink toes

For those of you who know me, you'll know that I only own one piece of pink clothing; a shirt, and it's even almost red. I however almost always have bright pink toenails.
I've also decided to do bit of my body, piece by piece and where better to start than my tootsies. So here they are, enjoy.

A post that's not just for me...

After many calls unanswered and awkward e- mails I recently decided it was time I swallowed my pride and had a conversation with Neil (for those of you who don't know, he's my ex fiance). It seems EVERYTHING has changed for him. Don't worry guys I'm not being all sappy and thinking of getting back together with him.

I just have a really hard time blocking someone out of my life if they get up the courage to apologize for things that are almost unforgivable. Especially the person I'd at one time thought would be my one and only.

From time to time people build up the courage to change everything in their lives, be it they hit rock bottom or just get tired of feeling a certain way and they feel they need to atone for all the jerky things they had done. This was one of those conversations.

I know a lot of you read my posts over the last few months and get that I was at a point where I almost gave everything up and I've gotten to a point a few times where I just had to change everything. So, I understand to a certain extent when he says he just needed to change everything.

I don't want to go into too much detail about what happened as far as the steps that lead up to this point or how far he went when he hit rock bottom. (The lesson to be learned is if you live with someone as a 'roommate' and are sleeping with them it's really not a secret that can be kept for very long as emotions get thrown into the mix, especially if this was after they'd just lost the person they were supposed to spend their life with.) Those of you who are in the need to know about this situation already know everything so there's no point in re-hashing.

Let's just say that we were both sitting on the phone crying to each other, and for the first time in years I actually believed what he was saying about feeling sorry and trying to make things right with me. I also hate to admit it, but I actually felt a bit of sympathy for all the crap he went through after I moved out and over the last couple months. Don't worry, I just said a bit, not a lot.

He had made a point to me and to the other person involved that he didn't ask me to marry him to make anyone jealous but rather because he thought he had everything and I was a part of that. Those were the words I really needed to hear, I had spent so much time hating him for that.

He also said that he really wanted to make a big gesture to show me just how sorry he is. There's part of my that still wants that grand gesture, I still want to feel he went out of his way for me as I spent far too long ignoring his philandering and his anger issues. However, the fact that he's going the extra mile to make things better, no, not just the calling, he's actually in rehab and counseling, those make up for a lot of the crap I had to deal with.

Well, I just wanted you to all know that Neil is trying very hard to make things better. I know I've spent a lot of time griping but I think it's time I put that aside and recognize that he's trying to make a better life for himself and I hope you all do too.

He might not yet be one of the good guys, but I've come to see that he's gotten to be one of the not all bad guys.

Best of luck Neil.

-Evalee

Crazy...

So much running thought my head.
Why do people have to call to make themselves feel better when it makes me feel worse? How is that fair.

Grrrr.

Mmmm, I guess I'm a good kisser...

Your Kissing Technique Is: Perfect

Your kissing technique is amazing - and you know it. You have the confidence to make the first move. And you always seem to know what kissing style is going to work best. Sometimes you're passionate, sometimes you're a tease. And you're always amazing!

Are You a Good Kisser?

Christmas cheer and jeers...

Well, some of you already know that I've pretty much been the Christmas grinch this year, I don't hate the holiday or anything, It's a great holiday. It just really sucks when you're newly single and having regrets for things that happened during your last relationship.

While my sins weren't the straws that broke the camels back, I'm sure they affected the over all relationship. Kinda like that age old butterfly analogy... You know the whole ripple effect thing.

This leaves me wondering if I actually deserve to have a decent normal relationship, you know the ones where you go on a few dates, then there's a bit of kissing, and it slowly progresses to bliss. I think I may have tainted my whole life, even if I do meet my prince, I'll still have to one day fess up to all the relationship misdemeanors I've committed over the course of the last 5 yrs.

Is there a way to atone for the dating crimes we commit? A way to wipe the slate clean?

My life and Sex and the City...

I was having a conversation with some friends the other day, (We formed a 'singles support group', basically an excuse to drink). We were talking about how the lives of singles relate to Sex and the City, and suggested that the guys in the group rent the DVDs and watch them.

This got me thinking, my life has really been a lot like that of Carrie:

I have my Mr Big, that irresistible man who I've fallen head over heels for and would drop everything for, but isn't able to make a commitment to me. Yet every time I try to end things he says the right thing to keep me around.

I almost married my Aidan, the sweet homebody type guy, who would prefer to live in the mountains than in the city, yet I always knew I could do much better, but for a while I settled.

For those of you who watch the show, you'll understand when I say that quite a few of plot twists and turns that relate to the three of them have happened to me over the last while.

Also I used to work as a columnist, and now I work in communications, but still quite similar.

I guess if my life is destined to follow the show I now need to find my Russian Artist who can sweep me off my feet and move me to Paris only to have my Mr Big follow me. I guess we'll see.

I just found it odd how similar my life is... I guess life imitates art.

The best and the worst

Here's a listing of the 10 best things about my being single and living alone

1. I can go out with whoever I want
2. I can stay out as late as I want
3. Don't have to worry about what someone else likes food-wise
4. I can spend my mornings naked
5. Rent any movie I want
6. Watch the shows I want and not have to compete with a PS2
7. Nobody else is spending my $
8. Decorate however I want
9. I can see different men in the same week
10. I have a lot more $ now that I'm not paying anyone else bills
    
    Here's a listing of the 10 worst things about my being single and living alone

1. I have to clean up my own messes
2. There's no chance I'll have dinner waiting for me
3. Sometimes it gets too quiet
4. No chance for sex everyday (Not that I got that when I was with me ex either)
5. Nobody to snuggle with every night while sleeping
6. I have to bring stuff in by myself, nobody to help
7. I have to do all the cleaning myself
8. ?
9. ?
10. ?
    As you can see it's much harder for me to find bad things about my life right now, see I'm open to a relationship. I think the fact that I'm happy with my life and myself I'd make a great partner, but I'm really enjoying this living alone thing. It's nice to do what I want, when I want. So there you have it.
    

My new PT gig

Hey everyone....

I just got a new PT job, and no it's not for the $ , all though there is nothing wrong with $ it's for the discount!!!

I just got a job at IKEA. Hip hip. So yeah I'm only working a day or two a week but it'll save me hundreds furnishing my place exactly how I want.

Hip hip, not to mention the extra $ will be for toys like a 36' LCD tv and....... The list is endless.

So wish me luck, I start training on Sat.

Been tagged....

I was tagged by moonspells: I was told she tagged me because she was interested in what I'd write, I hope I don't disappoint.

"6 Weird Things About Me"

The rules are simple.
1. Each player of this game starts with the “6 weird things about you”.
2. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly.
3. At the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says “you are tagged” in their comments and tell them to read your blog.


1) I was right handed until grade 3, when I decided I wanted to be different from everyone else and started writing with my left and now I'm ambidextrous.

2)I intend to have kids in the next 5 yrs with or without a man. (Not really weird more self assured) Hope this one didn't freak anyone out, not something I'm think about right now, but before I'm 35. So no worries.

3) If I'm eating a twix or another wafer type chocolate bar I eat the chocolate off it first, then the center. I also lick chips before eating them.

4)I have a net over my bed, I have this fantasy to have sex enclosed in a bed with drapes or netting, so when i got my own room it was one of the first things I put up.

5) I don't find this weird, but a lot of other people I know do... I'm one of the few people I know who have have completely unemotional sex with someone I know and have it not mess anything up.

6) I don't like raw tomatoes by themselves yet I'll eat them in things, even if they are in a sandwich. It's a texture thing.

Now who to tag.... I tag Barefoot mistress, Phain, Osbasso, Brandi, Lee Ann, and Midwestern City Boy

My weekend...

So far this has been a really awesome weekend, and it's just Sat morning. It's really nice to actually get some stuff done before noon.

-See, I got a really awesome complement from a very new but very close friend, we were talking about our past relationships and what happened between Neil and I came up and he said without a second of hesitation "He had everything...why would he want to fuck it up like that?" It just felt really nice to hear that from another man.

- I did my very own car maintenance today, I cleaned out the battery posts as they had some corrosion. And a buddy of mine is going to get me some anti-corrosion spray so that I won't have to keep doing it.

- Tonight I'm having dinner with a good friend then going out dancing.

So yeah all in all it's making out to be a great weekend. Hip hip.

My new fave....

Well, I've found a new fave show... 3 lbs.

I love the characters, yes I realize that all you die hard House fans will say it's a ripoff of that show. Yes, I do see that, but I still love the show. Not to mention there are some very doable people on it.

Every year there is a show or two that I latch on to watch through the winter, this year it's medical dramas like 3lbs and House. If you haven't seen either of them yet make sure you do.

As for my little update.... Life is going great, work is good, I love my new place, my best friend Rob and I have decided to take a weekend out to his cabin to go to a vineyard to put on some wine, and the only decisions we'll make are "Red or White?" and "What time should we go to the hot springs?", it'll be fabulous. I have some people in my life going through rough times but I'm here for them and love them all and if they ever need anything they know I'm here, so it feels good to be able to help others, especially since I'm finally strong enough to not need to cling to others. It's a good feeling. Well that's it for now, I'll be posting a very 'playful' HNT tomorrow so be sure to take a look.

I hope all of you are doing well,
Hugs and kisses,
Ev

Yes, yet another song...

I heard this yesterday for the first time and it sorta reminds me of myself (especially the part about not being single for long)... Don't worry guys, not falling for anyone right now I'm enjoying being single and being able to play....tee hee


"Clumsy"
By Fergie
Along with a pic of the Oh So Doable miss Fergie herself

Can't help it
The girl can't help it [repeat 3x]

First time
That I saw your eyes
Boy you looked right through me, mmmhmm
Play it cool
But I knew you knew
That cupid hit me, mmm mmm

You got me trippin, stumbling, flippin, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
You got me slippin, tumbling, sinking, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
So in love with you

Can't help it
The girl can't help it [repeat 3x]

Can't breath
When you touch me, see
Butterflies so crazy, mmm mmm
Whoa now, think I'm goin down
Friends don't know whats with me, mmm mmm

You got me trippin, stumbling, flippin, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
You got me slippin, tumbling, sinking, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
So in love with you

Can't help it
The girl can't help it [repeat 3x]

You know, this isn't the first time this has happened to me
This love sick thing
I like serious relationships and a
A girl like me dont stay single for long
Cuz everytime a boyfriend and I break up
My world is crushed and I'm all alone
The love bug crawls right back up and bites me and I'm back

Can't help it
The girl can't help it [repeat 3x]

You got me trippin, stumbling, flippin, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
You got me slippin, tumbling, sinking, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
So in love with you

So in love with you
So in love with you

I recognize me again...

Anyone who's gone through something life altering, shattering, devastating... will tell you that for a time there they don't feel like themselves and for me there has been quite a while where I didn't recognize the person looking back at me in the mirror. The image in my minds eye was nothing like what I actually looked like, I found I was hiding behind my weight and I'd darkened my hair so that I wouldn't be noticed as much...well...I recognize me again.



Before...... During....... NOW
Yay, I look like me again. Hip Hip!!!!

I promised and here it is....

Here are pics of my place...

Then....




NOW.....



And one of Sheba making herself comfy on my bed...

What a single girl does on a night alone....

I decided to fulfill a lot of women's fantasies and have a candlelit bath filled with rose petals...

A very good day

I figured I should write a post about today as it was a very good day, seeing as I have one about my very bad day.
Well I had today off, we took it off to make up for Sat.

So today, I slept in and spent the day watching 24 (living life through the eyes of Jack Bower) and I went for a walk and baked cookies. Such a great day.



Also, I've recently met some really nice men and I have some dates lines up. I'm very excited. It's nice to feel desired like that... to have men meet me at events and just have to get to know me better. Tee hee. Also the best part of the way I've been meeting them is that it means that they are professionals, mostly higher ups. (I got a lot of flack for dating down) I hope that doesn't sound too shallow.... I'll keep you all posted.

Anyways, it's back to work tomorrow and then in the evening I have my masseuse coming over to give me a massage. It's nice to be able to call them to come to me rather than have to travel as that way I can be all relaxed at home. It's great. However, tomorrow night I'm supposed to be doing naughty pics of a Bettie Paige nature. I'll be sure to post one for my HNT.
Well I should be off.

Kisses, Ev

I'm over it....

Well,

I'm over my hissy fit about Neil, I figured he's just not worth my worrying about. I have far too many new people in my life to worry about one guy who's going to be a jerk to me anyways.

He still wants to talk about the cat, yet he hangs up on me everytime I try to call about her, and then he leaves me long drawn out messages about how I'm a horrible person for not giving her to him. Well I'm sorry, but I'm not trying to please him anymore so I'm not about to bring her over there without negotiation, and without me being absolutly sure he can take care of her.

But other than that I've decided to move on with my life. If he really wants the cat he can call me as I'm not going to call or anything ever again, he's not worth it.

I will however be posting pics of my new place ASAP, I've just been busy, but soon.

Love you all,
XOXO Ev

GRRRRR

The saga continues...

Here I thought things were over.

Today I decided to casually ask Brandi (my ex roomate) if my snowboard and boots were still around there as the other CM said I should just go get them as they're mine, well turns out they gave them away. Lovely, not a huge deal really, I guess my own damn fault for leaving them when I made my mad dash out of there a couple months ago.

Well, the thing that makes me gruble is that Neil decided to leave me a long winded message saying that it's over, "Well go fig!" I think when I moved my stuff out and started seeing other men, that clicked in my head. I don't want anything to do with him I just want him to stop calling people in my life and to give him his documents back. All the ones he left in my stuff. Not really much to ask.
I also have a strong feeling that he and Brandi are a couple as it's com to my attention that she gave him her cell phone when his got disconnected. Well I guess they deserve eachother.

He's still telling people I stole the cat; as far as I'm concerned the fact that all of her info and all of her paperwork has me listed as owner kinda says that she's mine, not to mention the fact that he wasn't always very nice to her.

I just wish it would all end.
Fuck you Neil!!!!!

Updates...

Well,
I may or may not post an HNT tonight. I spent last night at an event with Calgary's elite and was probably up too late so, all I can say is that it was WAY too hard to get out of bed this morning and I'm seriously considering going back there. Not to mention CM and SR have gotten me seriously addicted to 24 so I've been spending way too much time watching that. You bad boys, you!!! I guess I should have known what I was getting into when SR was telling me how addictive it is. I guess it's my own fault.

Life is going ok, I'm considering disappearing for a bit just to maintain my focus. Maybe do a yoga retreat and some meditation. As life has been pretty crazy in the last few months and I'd love to sit in the absolute quiet and re-connect with my center.

Another thing I'd like to share is that I have finally found peace with Neil's affair. I had spent almost a year hating the woman he cheated on me with and hating him for doing it. However it was after reading an e-mail from her yesterday that I was able to close that chapter of my life. I think it was the acknowledgement of her role in my suffering over the last year that did it. She had also mentioned that she to was lied to by him and that she had also made the decision to cut all contact with him. I just want to publicly thank her for that letter, it really helped, gave me a lot of closure.
There is a small part of me that's sorta glad that it all happened as if all had ran smoothly or I hadn't found out I would have married him, inspite of all the badmouthing he did to me and all the crap he put me through. So this way I'm able to meet someone who really deserves me.
Also a side note to Neil: If you're reading this and I know you do, I hope you find happiness be it with our former roomie or someone new. After you figure your life out and spend some time without a woman you'll be able to see what you really want and then I wish you the best of luck finding it.

So, there's my update, not sure what else to say.
I hope everyone is happy and healthy.
Kisses, Ev

So happy....

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to write a quick post to say how happy I am right now.
My life is in such a perfect place. I'm doing well finacially and work wise. I have my two wonderful kitties who are as happy as can be, they are playing together at this very moment.
I have lots of friends who love me, some of whom are even very bad influences and keep passing beers and that bottle of cheap wine/ fortified koolaid we found, into my hand at 2 am, but then insisted I sleep over as there is no possible way they would let me leave let alone drive (Chad!!!! You bastard for the bad influence but thanks for 'forcing' me to stay over, see I said after a while I'd come out my shell and start calling you names along with everyone else, tee hee).
I have a great home all to myself that is decorated just for me. I don't have to worry about anyone else.
I was even woken up this morning by a rather large basset hound licking my face. "Chester!!!Ewwww"
It's awesome to have friends that when I say "I'm moving" don't groan but instead ask me what time I want them over to help before I even ask.

It's really nice to be able to come home when I want and not have to call. Or bring home whoever I want and not have to wonder if your 'other half' will be awake or not.
I know this being alone thing won't last for much longer, but I'm enjoying it while I can.

So to all of you were were worried about me, don't be. I'm doing fantastic. I really hit the ground running. That's the kind of person I am, I never do anything half-assed. So I know there's proably a lot of people wondering how I got over my engagement so fast, well I didn't really see any point in dwelling on it and getting upset and stressed about it, I did enough crying when it was falling apart before so I had basically been going through the motions the last few months anyways so it's pretty easy to get over someone you said goodbye to almost a year earlyer. With that said. I'm vowing to not mention my ex again on here, it's not worth it. I've moved on, in more ways than I can share right now. Tee hee.

So I hope everyone out there is doing well, and to all those Calgarians reading this, doesn't this snow suck?!?!?!?!
Here's hoping you all have a nice warm bed to snuggle in to. Occupied or not, tee hee.
Kisses, Ev

Lippy HNT

Well, I'm back.
This is an art project I'm doing to go up in my brand new bathroom. I'm decorating the whole place a little different, so these follow that. Hope you like.

What Greek Goddess are you...

http://www.paleothea.com/quiz.html

This is what came up for me with the male version of the quiz...



Not quite sure what that says about me. Tee hee

Will it ever end?

I had an oh so lovely conversation with my ex today. (Yes, Neil I know you're reading this, as you made it very clear and you've been reading my blog and you think I've misrepresented you)

When will the fighting with him ever end?
I called him today and as always we got into a fight and called me petty and accused of cheating on him. For the record I have NEVER cheated on anyone, not even a kiss and have no intention of starting.
I've decided to swallow my pride and go pick up my $ and such that he owes me. It just bugs me so much that he would have the nerve to accuse me of going out and cheating on him. Especially with someone I only saw on a regular basis AFTER he broke it off with me, before that I only saw this guy for coffee once every 3 months or so, and that's all it was, coffee, and it was during work hours too, not even a chance to actually do anything. Needless to say he was very respectfull of me being in a relationship and wouldn't even think of crossing that line.

Yes, I'm still very angry at Neil, but not angry enough to do what he says I was doing.

It's actually kinda ironic, I had a long conversation the other night with a close friend's brother who is currently going through a divorce and from talking to him I've come to see that not being with Neil really is for the best, we were really in different places. To be quite blunt I prefered to go to a play and he prefered to go to a movie. Neither is better or worse than the other, just different.

I just wish all of this will end. I want to be done with it all.
Help.

Cocoon

Cocoon
- Jack Johnson

Based on your smile
I'm betting all of this might be over soon
but youre bound to win
because if I'm betting against you, I think I'd rather lose

but this is all that I have, so please
take whats left of this heart, and use
please use only what you really need
you know I only have so little, so please
mend your broken heart and leave

I know its not your style
and I can tell by the way that you move its real real soon
but I'm on your side
and I dont want to be your regret, I'd rather be your cocoon

but this is all that you have, so please
let me take whats left of your heart, and I will use
I swear I'll use only what I need
I know you only have so little, so please
let me mend my broken heart

you said this was all you have
and its all I need
but blah blah blah
because it fell apart
I guess its all you knew
and all I had
but now we have
only confused hearts
I guess all we have
is really all we need

so please
lets take these broken hearts, and use
lets use only what we really need
you know we only have so little, so please
take these broken hearts and leave

Something I hadn't expected

Hi everyone,

Well as life would have it I've come across something I'm not 100% sure how to deal with. Neil's friends have started calling me to see how I'm doing. I guess that's something that happens when they see us as a unit and more often than not they would see me as the one woman in their lives they could ask girl advice and flirt with without fear of getting smacked. I'm just really not sure what to say to them. I have yet to call anyone back, I prefer to let messages stack up until I know what to say.
- Do I start from the begining and tell them about the affair? After all there were some people who actually met this woman. (Just a little FYI, I will never say her name on her as she's a quite well known blogger, especially within the HNT circle and as much as I want to string her up by her toenails, she deserves more respect than for me to badmouth her on here)

- I guess the biggest question is, do I tell his guy friends the comment he made that made it so that I'd finally had enough? you know the 'I only proposed...' comment.

See I'm pretty sure his friends saw us the same way my friends saw us, so i'm worried that if I share all the crap that lead to our demise than he will lose all his friends and I don't want to do that to him. Afterall there are already enough people on my side who have said very clearly that they had better not run into him in a dark alley amd I'm not looking to recruit more.

So if anyone has any insight, let me know. My original play was to not have any contact with those who still have contact with him, but I'd never intended them to call me.

Let me know,
Evalee

SNOW

I awoke this morning to the the city covered in a blanket of white snow. UGGGG I hope it goes away soon as I have to move in a couple of weeks and really don't want to be doing it in the snow.

Don't worry

Thanks for the comments guys, don't worry I still love men very much I just need to find the right ones.
But thank you.

Moving on up....

Hey everyone,

Now for a VERY HAPPY, VERY EXCITED post!!!!!

I got my very first full page, full colour ad in the Calgary Herald!!!!! For those of you who don't live in Calgary it's our largest circulating daily paper. And to top it off it's on the back page of the front section. So the best possible place. And I designed it!!!

Ironically I think I'm more excited than when I used to actually write for the paper. For those of you who don't know I was actually a lifestyles journalist for another daily here in Calgary in my former life before I decided to go into advertising. I had a regular column in the Calgary Sun.

So needless to say my new job is going swimmingly.

The second part of my news is that I'm moving to my own apartment very soon. I've found a place, put down the deposit and just need to move in. I think I might be moving in the next few days as it'll be a great way for me to start everything anew. I'll post pics after I get settled so it might be a few weeks.

It's just so nice to be changing so many things. New place, new job, I'm going to leave my car with my parents as I'll be living near transit, so I'll have more $, potentially new guy....?, tee hee. I'm not telling. All I can say is stay posted as there's some big exciting stuff in the works. Dun dun dun...what pretell could it be? lol You'll just have to wait and see.

Well I'm late for yoga, so I'll chat with you all later.
Kisses, Ev

Thoughts and revelations

I've been doing a lot of thinking this last week.
I still have a lot of anger and hurt in my heart, but because I'm wanting to begin a new chapter in my life I want to heal my heart and cut through the anger and become a more loving, caring person.
I've found that writing my pain down on here for the world to see has been really theraputic for me. It must be the fact that I spent many years as a professional journalist, I'm used to the world reading my inner thoughts. I think it's also the closeness I feel to those who read my blog and the love I feel when you share your stories with me.

I've decided to write a list of the things that have caused me anger and pain in the last year in an attempt to free them from my keeping...

- When he cheated on me
- When they both tried to hide it from me
- When it was all said and done and I'd delt with it he told her I was still keeping him from talking to her, when I had actually become so numb that I didn't care
- When I realised that he misses the cat more than me
- When he stopped wanting to make love to me and would rather be with our other partner
- When he expected me to support him finacially
- When he'd try to convince me I was mentally ill as a way to explain my being oppinionated and emotional
- When he told me his family all hated me

And the one thing I did to free myself.... Move out while he was at work the day after he told me he only proposed to make her jelous.
I deserve so much more. I deserve to be free. I'm getting there. I'm a strong woman.

Also due to the overwhelming response from my HNT, i thought I'd post more pics of me with long hair. Enjoy.

A toast!

I've wanted to write something to one very special person in my life. He's helped me weather this rough storm and has made me laugh when all I could think to do was cry. Through scrabble and cappucinos he's always been there when I needed a shoulder to cry on. So in a way well suited to him eventhough he doesn't like a lot of attention, here's a toast to you C.

Here's to someone who never turned their back on me,
to a man who would risk it all if he thought it would help,
someone who spent many a late night listening to my tearful woes, Yet never complained or asked me to stop.
I thought I'd lost you years ago, but fate has brought us back together and helped us firm up a friendship that will never end.
Through engagements and heatbreaks here's to a man who's never given up, may I be as good to you as you have been to me.
Here, here.

I did it!!!

Well, I did it.

I moved out.

Yesterday after another fight with Neil, I decided enough was enough and when he went to work I packed up all my things and the cats and moved out. It feels kinda strange. I still have a couple more boxes to get but I'm doing that on Monday. Don't worry I didn't leave anything I'd be heartbroken if I never saw it again.
I think the real clincher was when Neil told me the real reason he asked me to marry him, not because he loved me but to make someone jelous. Great eh? Oh well. On to bigger and better things.

I just wish I could find my ring, it mysteriously went missing the day before he broke it off. After all I was the one who paid for it, so I would like it back.

Other than all that things are going ok in my world, feels a little odd to not be around him but that'll get easyier. After all this way I don't have to deal with any of his gross habits (burping, farting, swearing, cigarette butts everywhere) hip hip.

So for those of you who keep coming back to check up on me, thank you. I am doing ok, everyday is a little better than the last.

Here's to brighter days ahead.
Kisses, Ev.

Thank you

Thank you to everyone who has wished me well,
thank you to everyone who has shared their pain,
thank you for your words
thank you for your thoughts
and thank you for your love.

Everyone who's left all these wonderfully supportive coments, I just wanted to say a giant THANK YOU. You've all helped me realise that I'm not alone and that it might take time but I will eventually pick up all my peices and become something better than I was to begin with. You are all very special, beautiful people and I love you all very much and if you ever need anything let me know. I could never turn my back on someone who opened their hearts to me in my time of need.

Kisses Ev

Tearfull thoughts

Sometimes life falls into place so nicely that you don't notice any of the potential bumps and accidents that could have happened along the way.
Then there are the other times...
As of late my life has been one giant car wreck. Here, I'd thought, "you know we made it through the worst it could ever possibly be" then what happens, well, for those of you who've been reading, you know what happened.
For some reason it all really hit me about an hour ago, I feel like I woke up and saw that what I thought was a giant nightmare that could be overcome, was really my life. I don't want to be in this moment. I want to either rewind to when Neil and I were happy and in love or fast forward to when I won't feel this pain. I feel like a glass jar full of marbles that has just been dropped on the floor and has shattered into ten million peices all over the room. My heart is so broken right at this moment.
Neil asked me the other day why I hadn't started going through my things and packing stuff up. I told him I didn't want to be rushed and I'd been busy, but really it's because I wanted to delay this feeling. Having to sort through all of the things that represent memories both good and bad and deciding what I want to remember is far too hard. I shouldn't have to choose.
I hate the thought that I will never have my little familly with him, yes we might have families with others but the one that we had planned will never be.
I hate when people say "it's for the best" or "That would have been a huge mistake", It's really none of their business, we are put here to make mistakes, to fall and learn. Who knows sometimes the things that "would have been a huge mistake" actually would have been the best possible thing that could have ever happened.

Not sure what to do with myself

Well,
here's the skituation...I gave my notice to the job I'd been at for the last year and because I'm going to a competitor, (same department with another non-profit) they saw it as a conflict of interest and have decided to pay me out so I couldn't take any contacts lists ect. It's pretty standard.
The only thing is I don't know what to do with myself for my time off with pay. I think it'll probably involve a lot of sleeping in, maybe some drinking and probably quite a few late movie nights.
So if anyone has suggestions let me know. tee hee.

Kisses Ev

Dancing in the kitchen in the crisp autumn air

I just wanted to write a little note to mention how I've totally fallen for the music of Jack Johnson. It's so mellow and positive.
Makes me feel really good.
You can't help but smile when listening to one of his CDs.
It was someone very near and dear to my heart who introduced me to this very talented musician.
I now have memories of dancing around on the tile in the kitchen with all the windows open so the crisp air comes flowing in to "better together" by Jack Johnson

there's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
no song that i could sing
but i can try for your heart
our dreams and they are made out of real things
like a shoebox of photographs
with sepiatone loving
love is the answer
at least for most of the questions in my heart
like why are we here
and where do we go
and how come we're so hard
it's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
i'll tell you one thing its always better when we're together

its always better when we're together
we'll look at them stars when we're together

and all of these moments
just might find there way into my dreams tonight
but i know that they'll be gone
when the morning light sings
and brings new things
but tomorrow night you see
that theyll be gone too
too many things i have to do
but if all of these dreams might find their way
into my day to day scene
i'll be under the impression
i was somewhere in between
with only twojust me and you
not so many things we got to door places we got to be
we'll sit beneath the mango tree

i believe in memories
they look so
so pretty when i sleep
hey now, and when i wake up
you look so pretty sleeping next to me
but there is not enough time
and there is no song i could sing
and there is no combination of words i could say
but i will still tell you one thing
we're better together

Thank you for that memory C, you made me oh so happy.

Thanks

I just wanted to write a quick post to thank everyone who has sent me well wishes. I really appreciate it. It's really helped to hear all the kind words you all have to say.
I'm taking everything one day at a time.

Thank you

Taking back this blog

Well I figure I owe everyone a small explanation of the strangeness that has been present in our lives.

See, last weekend Neil all of a sudden came to the idea that he wasn't ready to get married, this being only a couple days after him suggesting we go on a trip together ect. So needless to say kinda a shock. Part of me thinks this is a good idea as I really want him to be 100% sure before we jump into something like marriage, then there's the other part of me that's really wondering why there's such a sudden change. When telling friends that even saw us together on Friday they were compleatly taken aback as they saw the way he was lovingly looking at me, then on Tuesday he drops this bomb. Seems a little odd.

Well I'm taking every thing one day at a time and trying to hold together my sanity the best I can.
So for all of you who were counting down the days with us, you can stop as it might never be.

Lack of posts

Something has happened in our little world that might stop us from making any posts for a while. Please be patient as it'll all be better soon.

Interactive HNT

We decided for this week we'd pick a body part that we loved on the others and post those. Our challenge to you HNT fans is to pick your favorite. Don't worry we won't be offended by what you choose.
The results will be posted Thursday night.

Both Neil and Brandi love my golden hair that matches my eyes almost perfectly as well as my little earing on the top of my left ear.











Brandi and I are both extremly jelous of Neil's long eyelashes. We also thought we'd show off his piercing.









Neil and I both love to kiss the back of Brandi's neck as it makes her giggle and squirm, so this was the body part we picked for her. I also lover her long dark hair.




So cast your votes and let us know what you like best and why. Be sure to come back to see the results.

Symbols of love

The closer we get to our wedding day, the more I realize how much I love him.

Love Calculator

Good thing it came out good or we would have had to call off the wedding...tee hee.

Poor kitty

Our poor little kitty Sheba had a little accident and somehow broke off one of her claws. She only seems to be in pain when we touch it and clean it. Other than that she's walking normally, and the swelling that was there yesterday is gone compleatly today. I just feel so bad for the poor little thing, I can only imagine how much it'd hurt if that happened to me.

Rainy fun

The rain came pouring down at about 7 pm tonight, Neil was asleep on the couch as he came down with a fever and a bout of the flu this evening so Brandi and I decided that we would take advantage of the rain and our eagerness to be in photos. So after saran wrapping the camera and putting on portions of halloween costumes (not sure why, but this made sense at the time) we headed out for an impromptu photo shoot. With several eyes peeking out of closed windows nearby here's what happened.




After all was said and done we were soaking wet and giggly. I must say living with this girl has really been a blast.

Has anyone seen this?

Has anyone out there seen the website "Players and Psychos"?
It's a website devoted to ratting out your exes for cheating on you or becoming psychos. Of course my first thoughts when hearing about this site were "I hope I'm not on it" not that I've ever cheated on anyone nor would I ever, but when I was younger I did some crazy revenge stuff , then after reading it I was like "hmmmm, I know some people I could warn others about" Of course I didn't, I'm not that kind of person and I think everyone will get theirs at some point as Karma has a way of biteing us in the ass when we do something we shouldn't, but it's an interesting place to visit if you have some websurfing time.

http://playersandpsychos.com/

HNT #14...If we were cartoons

Something to think about

Hi everyone,

How often in life are we convinced that skinny is the ideal body shape? I for one have never been skinny nor will I ever be, it's just not in my power. In order to be the "ideal" I would quite literally have to only eat celery all day and work out incessantly.

That being said I have decided to make an extra effort to drop a bit of weight for my wedding, more of a personal challenge than anything. The biggest encouragement however, came in a different sort of way from my soon to be hubby Neil. When I told him I wanted to lose some weight he encouraged me but asked that I don't lose too much as he likes chubby girls and that my little belly turns him on.

His words really made me think, as women are always trying to be slimmer because we think men will like us more if we are, but in reality there are lots of really awesome guys out there who like girls with some meat on them.

So here's to all the women that know that if a man really loves you he'll love you no matter what your size.

Best wishes to all of you.
Ev

Wedding madness

Hey Everyone,

despite the title of this post our planning has been going really well. We really agree on everything, we have most of the big details figured out and it's going to be amazing. We've decided on a winter wedding at Fort Calgary, so a nice historic building that's also supposed to be haunted, (there's a touch of Neil). It'll be relatively small, mainly close friends, fam and special people who've touched our lives.

We've also been talking a lot about our relationship and everything that has happened and where we see us going. It's really very exciting. It's great to look at my future hubby and to see unconditional love in his eyes, this really feels good.

Here's hoping all of you will be able to feel unconditional love.
Best wishes, Ev

Plan, plan, plan

Well the wedding planning has begun, here's a little secret we actually started planning before we told anyone. So far we've picked an awesome venue and a date, of course also colours, our wedding party and written up the guest list. I think we're doing pretty good for only being official for a week.

As always I also want to gush about my sweetie, who said to me last night when we were getting ready for bed and I quote "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me." It made my heart flutter.

So yeah, we're totally in love and getting hitched, tee hee.

The only thing I'm nervous about is all the planning, I've planned 300 person Galas before but never a wedding, so if anyone has any suggestions, let me know.
Kisses, Ev