Monday, November 19, 2012


Sometimes I get so frustrated with my mother.

Ever since my dad passed away she relies on us for everything. That would be fine if she gave us warning about when she'd need me to change my plans to run for her, but she calls a couple hours before she needs me and expects me to drop everything to drive her somewhere. Then lays on the guilt until I can't say no without feeling like a giant jerk.

Now I have to tell my daughter once again that mommy has to break her promise to take her swimming/to the zoo/ insert activity she's been looking forward to here, because grandma needs me to drive her at the exact time we were supposed to go.

Not even sure what to do with this situation, I don't want Maggie to think that mommy never follows through, but I also don't know how to get my mother to understand.

Just a little venting today. Sorry.


Friday, November 16, 2012

                    By Madison Violet
no poetry
no fire
no telling you're tired
no litter
no gold no growing old
it's not a bad world brother
it's not a bad world
crying your eyes out
it's all about crying your eyes out
cry on me now
cry on me now
no shepherd
no shame
no pictures to frame
no fix
no glory
no telling your story
it's not a bad world brother
it's not a bad world
now that you're gone
i hope you get a chance
to sit down with god
i hope you get a chance
to question the man in cloth
it's not a bad world brother
it's not a bad world

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

A break? Please...

Our poor little family has been through way too much this past month. Make it 30 days rather than an actual calendar month and it gets worse.

Hubby was in a minor car accident with Maggie in the car, hubby lost his keys including the very expensive one to replace for my car, I had a second very very early miscarriage ( chemical pregnancy) in 6 months, we had a banking issue which has since caused all of the money we deposited in the last two weeks to be held for two weeks, I didn't get the promotion I was promised, we had issues with listing our apartment for sale so it'll have to wait till December,  which will mean no rent while it's on the market and to top it all off we've all been sick with a horrible cold all in the space of the last 30 days. So yeah. I'm exhausted.

I was telling hubby today that I don't care so much about when our family will get a break, more just when bad things will stop happening. I thought they were supposed to happen in 3's, not 7's. I'm starting to feel so pessimistic, like if I hope for anything it'll turn bad somehow.  This of course has led me into a bit of depression. I used to be someone for whom things just came easy and I had faith that things would workout somehow, because they always did. I almost always got the job and if I didn't there was a better one that came right behind it, I was often lucky in other areas as well. Heck we even got pregnant with Maggie super easy, then we weren't even trying for the next one. I however feel that since we lost him our luck has changed. It's almost like I used up all my luck in the first 30 years of my life and I now have to pay it back over the next 30.

Not sure where I'm heading from here, I feel like I'm treading water, I just hope and pray a life preserver plucks me out soon.