Monday, December 13, 2010


During this holiday season we are often reminded of the importance to be nice to one another and do good things for each other.
It starts when we are very young with the oh so common comment of "Be good or Santa won't get you any presents this year" and there is always the parental pushing of "Go say you're sorry, and make sure you mean it".
There however is no equivalent as adults, we are never really told to go make nice with those we've wronged, and for all of us who've grown up and learned about the magic of Santa, there's really no threat there.

So why apologize? Why atone for the wrongs we've done? And why bother to forgive those who've wronged us, with or without an apology?

For the Jewish, Yom Kippur, the most holy of all days is just that, a day of atonement. I for one know that I'd love to have a day when all of my sins and regrets from the last year could be forgiven. I however am not of the Jewish faith so it'd be cheating.
So instead I must atone the old fashioned way, by asking for forgiveness and giving it to others when asked.

What however are you to do when you're not the one who needs to do the asking and the question never seems to come?

So I'm left forgiving and trying to mend fences despite the fact that I have every right to be angry especially when the silence should be filled with words of atonement.

What of those who say 'I can forgive, but will never forget', how is that really forgiving?
Forgiving is saying I was hurt but am prepared to move forward. To truly forgive, the past has to stay in the past. Thus the forgive but never forget comment is basically implying that one will never forgive.

All I can say is that I'd love to get the apologies I feel I deserve, but I'm not expecting anything. I have already forgiven, I have already moved on.

After all Martin Luther King, Jr. once wrote :He who is devoid of the power to forgive, is devoid of the power to love.” and I want to be able to love.

Happy Holidays,

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Concerts and Condo fees...

Hubby and I were finally able to go on a date last night, it had been far too long. I guess that's one of those things that happens when you're old and married. LOL We went to the John Butler concert. Oh my, it was so much fun. However, there where times when I did feel old, as the average age at the concert was about 21.
It was interesting because we've seen John Butler before but it was before we were married when we were just dating and I was living in my apartment just outside of the university campus, however the concert was in the same venue. So the whole night I kept remembering things that happened the last time we were there. What a blast from the past.

The concert was awesome. The opening act was really great too, someone I hadn't heard of before, so that was cool. It's always nice to hear new artists.

The whole night just helped me appreciate what a wonderful hubby and best friend I have and how great our marriage is. It's so nice to just have a date night.


For those of you who live in condo townhouses, especially ones with individual front doors had garages, do you ever feel odd just walking past the person working really hard shovelling your driveway?
I mean they're working up a sweat trying to get the snow and ice off of it and so you kinda feel bad, but on the other hand, it's their job and you pay good money to have them do the work. I came home for my lunch break and there was someone cleaning my driveway. I was grateful, especially since my car is usually parked on the driveway so they rarely get to the snow under it, and being as hubby took my vehicle to go pick up the munchkin from babysitting, they were finally able to get to it. So I said hello and went inside. They were gone when I left 20 minutes later but I wondered about the situation.
I guess I'm just one of those people. Just like when I lived alone and had a cleaning lady who would come in once every two weeks. It was fine when I was working in an office because I wasn't there to see her, I'd just leave the money and she had a key, but when I worked from home I always felt I had to go out when she was there, otherwise I'd feel like I needed to help her clean.
I wonder why we feel that way? Is it a sign of our empathy? The fact that we feel if we were in their situation we'd want the help or is a bit of misplaced guilt. The idea that we could be doing the job they are but aren't. On the other hand by not helping or doing the job ourselves we are providing for their livelihood. After all, when seeing a construction crew building your house, in most cases it wouldn't be wise to offer to help.


Tuesday, November 23, 2010


Sometimes people drive me crazy.

When people tell other's things while trying to keep things secret from other people. Seriously, if you tell someone, it's probably not going to be a secret for long. Especially if they have alliances with others that are a lot closer than those to you.

We have all these secrets going around at work lately, some you could flat out call backbiting. My stance when it comes to all cases where I genuinely care or like the person either being talked about or having the secret kept from them is to tell them. I really don't like people not knowing what's going on behind their back, especially when it's someone they work closely with that's doing the talking.
As I have said to my boss after hearing a lot of this and talking to him about it, 'I don't know what people were saying about me the week I took off after I lost the baby', he of course assured me that the second they knew why I was away they are all very sensitive, but you never know what people say when the boss isn't standing there.

I also really hate when people meddle in other's business. What they decide to do or not do in their lives is their choice not yours so don't talk about them in a way that slags them. The best thing to do if you don't accept their choices is to just move on and not talk about it with everyone. They obviously made the choice they made, not you. So get over it. Like seriously who cares what job the boss did before this one. His job doesn't define him as a person.

So yes, there has been a lot going on, but as of late I've been standing strong as Switzerland.

Wish me luck, and if you have something you want kept secret from others, don't tell me as I have no problem telling them.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

A sigh of relief... Finally

This weekend has brought some respite for our little family.
On Friday night we got a tenant. It's one of my bosses. She was in the market for a new apartment to rent and I had happened to mention the place to my other boss and he called her immediately and after a few short days poof, we have a tenant. Giant relief for me, that's for sure. She moves in Jan 1st, so we'll see how that works for Christmas, but it's a little less stress.

Yesterday I went winter baby clothes shopping with my mother. It's surprising, well not really, how willing grandparents are to rush out and get clothes for their grandkids as soon as you mention that you might not be able to get the next size up and their pants are getting too short. So now we have a whole wardrobe for our little miss. On the upside she's one of those rare kids who wears the same size for at least 6 months. To put it in perspective, she's 17 months next week and just now starting to outgrow her 6-12 month clothes. If it was summer she'd be in them for a little longer as it's her arms and legs that are getting too long and so it wouldn't be nearly as noticeable in short sleeves and shorts. So now she has a whole bunch of new pants and sweaters and fleece, even a fancy new snowsuit. What a lucky little girl.

Well, I must be off to work. I work the early shift. I grumble about it, but really I'm done early and it goes by fast, so it's not too bad.


Wednesday, November 17, 2010

When it rains it pours

So, it would seem that life has thrown us yet another curveball. Our tenants on our rental property have given their notice. So when we would have gotten a rent cheque just before Christmas we now won't.
This has left me in a bit of a state, yes I understand they have every right to move out, it's just the timing that sucks oh so much. So I'm really not sure how we'll afford Christmas this year. One day at a time right?

I'm really not sure how much more of this I can take.

At one point in my life I was quite religious, I had tons of faith. I can say this year, I've really lost it. I'm at the point right now where if there is a divine being, God, capital G or otherwise, I'd really like to kick him in the shins. This year has REALLY sucked. I can honestly say I'm thinking there must not be a divine being because how can someone be so cruel. There has been far too many deaths and losses in my life this year.

I just really really hope 2011 will be better.


Monday, November 15, 2010

Unfortunate turn of events

Well, life has been a tad crazy as of late.

Just over two weeks ago at about 18 weeks we lost our little baby boy. It's been a tough time and we're taking it one day at a time. But we'll get through and we're starting to look to the future. So all will be well. It's been really nice already having a little one, as this way it's not hard to see people with babies or anything.

It also turns out that I've turned into the "Work Mom" at my part time job. See I've recently started to work evenings and weekends at a coffee shop and in the past couple weeks the other girls have started to come to me for advice, to act as their confidant, etc. It's really quite a compliment. Not to mention my boss has started to ask my opinion on things and talk to me to vent about things that only us over 23 yr olds get, ie Kids up all night, not being able to go out partying after work. We're really starting to develop a friendship.

On another note, it would seem I have a bit of a online follower, that, as far as I'm concerned, is starting to border on cyber stalking. I really hate when people feel the need to get involved/draw attention to other's lives and past choices when it really isn't their place. Yes, I have put stuff online, and yes I know that all can see what I put online. That is a choice I have made, with eyes wide open none the less. I know I make different choices than others, but that's the beauty of being an individual, I get to do what I want to do, not what someone else wants to do, and yes my hubby knows all about my past, we don't have any secrets, heck he was even a reader of my blog before we were married.
I'll just end this post with a quote from Bob Marley as I feel it says it all:

"Who are you to judge the life I live?
I know I'm not perfect
-and I don't live to be-
but before you start pointing fingers...
make sure your hands are clean!"
Bob Marley


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Back to the finger pricking

Well it would seem that I have diabetes again with this pregnancy just like I did with Maggie.
I've forgiven myself for it because all the new literature makes it very clear that if you have a family history of diabetes you'll more than likely get it no matter what your lifestyle. I've just been lucky enough to only have issues when I'm pregnant so far. Oh well.

In other news Maggie walked 3 steps yesterday. I know it's not tons but it's definitely a start. Way to go Miss Maggie.

He's wishing everyone a happy and healthy Tuesday.

Sunday, September 12, 2010


Well today was a mix of frustration and delight.

First off Miss Maggie took some real first steps, not the accidental 'oh no, I'm falling I need to move my feet' type. It was her walking towards me. What an amazing feeling. I'm pretty sure by the end of the week she'll be walking on her own.

I've also been frustrated with some people and some situations in my life as of late, some of it got resolved today, other bits will take a lot more work and some things I feel as if I've been forced to bite my tongue and grin and bear it. It's so frustrating knowing things will never change. Mostly because I can't make people apologize for being who they really are. As really how fair is that. I know I would be pissed if somebody asked me to say I was sorry for who I was. Oh well, I feel things are at the bottom and you can only go up from here. So it WILL get better.

But other than that today was pretty good, went to the Zoo, made a lasagna with my mom, and watched miss Maggie take her first steps.

Hope everyone else is having a good time on this ride called life.

Friday, September 10, 2010

I'm back

Well I've decided to come back.

I'm sorry I took such a long break, shortly after I made my last post I received a very nasty email from THE ex. Those of you who are long time readers will know who I'm talking about. He said some very cruel things about my pregnancy and as such I knew he had been reading this site and quite frankly I didn't want him to know any more about that wonderful magical time. So I left. I am sorry. I hope you'll all forgive.

I now have a 14 month old beautiful little girl named Maggie. She is the light of my life. She also causes me the most frustration. I'm sure anyone who has kids knows exactly what I mean. You love them so much that they sometimes frustrate you to no end. I'm also currently 10 weeks pregnant with number 2. This one came as quite a surprise as recently my father passed away after suffering a stroke earlier in the year so needless to say we were VERY stressed. We did end up finding out about the pregnancy while my father was in the hospice and with those that I did share the news with it was a very welcome bit of good news during the storm of bad.

I've decided to come back because I'm starting to feel once again that I need an outlet, a place where I can share my feeling and all the crazy happenings in my life right now. I remembered how much I loved writing this blog and how it provided me with so much release. So because of that I'm going to start it up again. The passing of my dad has been very hard on me. He was my hero, the smartest man I knew. I remember as a little girl if I ever had a question I would go and kneel beside his bed and ask. He ALWAYS knew the answer. With his passing I feel I've lost a huge part of my identity.
It's always so humbling to see someone you care so much about wither away in front of you. I'm reminded of a line from the Gilmore girls when Richard Gilmore had his heart attack Lorelai said he looked small laying there. I really know that feeling. To see the man I idolized be reduced to someone who couldn't even feed himself and had to be introduced to my husband because he didn't know who he was.
The thing that helped me be strong is that he always loved seeing Maggie. Even the day he had his stroke he wanted her to sit on his bed so that he could tickle her feet. I'm glad I have so many good memories to tell her.

His service was held on a beautiful saturday in August. The thing that touched me the most was that he had worked as a commissionaire at a police station for about 6 months before his stroke, so hardly a lifetime, but there were at least 10 police officers who came to the service in full uniform. Also everyone at the station had sent a giant bouquet of flowers not only when he got sick but also to the service, and they also took up a collection to get him a dvd player for the hospital and $ for my mom. It meant so much to us. I hope they know just how much it meant. It was so nice to hear them talk about how great my dad was. I will hold that with me forever.

So my life is starting to go back together. Piece by piece, eventually I'll make a whole again. I'm hoping this will help.

Sending love, love, love.