Saturday, September 30, 2006

A toast!

I've wanted to write something to one very special person in my life. He's helped me weather this rough storm and has made me laugh when all I could think to do was cry. Through scrabble and cappucinos he's always been there when I needed a shoulder to cry on. So in a way well suited to him eventhough he doesn't like a lot of attention, here's a toast to you C.

Here's to someone who never turned their back on me,
to a man who would risk it all if he thought it would help,
someone who spent many a late night listening to my tearful woes, Yet never complained or asked me to stop.
I thought I'd lost you years ago, but fate has brought us back together and helped us firm up a friendship that will never end.
Through engagements and heatbreaks here's to a man who's never given up, may I be as good to you as you have been to me.
Here, here.

I did it!!!

Well, I did it.

I moved out.

Yesterday after another fight with Neil, I decided enough was enough and when he went to work I packed up all my things and the cats and moved out. It feels kinda strange. I still have a couple more boxes to get but I'm doing that on Monday. Don't worry I didn't leave anything I'd be heartbroken if I never saw it again.
I think the real clincher was when Neil told me the real reason he asked me to marry him, not because he loved me but to make someone jelous. Great eh? Oh well. On to bigger and better things.

I just wish I could find my ring, it mysteriously went missing the day before he broke it off. After all I was the one who paid for it, so I would like it back.

Other than all that things are going ok in my world, feels a little odd to not be around him but that'll get easyier. After all this way I don't have to deal with any of his gross habits (burping, farting, swearing, cigarette butts everywhere) hip hip.

So for those of you who keep coming back to check up on me, thank you. I am doing ok, everyday is a little better than the last.

Here's to brighter days ahead.
Kisses, Ev.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Thank you

Thank you to everyone who has wished me well,
thank you to everyone who has shared their pain,
thank you for your words
thank you for your thoughts
and thank you for your love.

Everyone who's left all these wonderfully supportive coments, I just wanted to say a giant THANK YOU. You've all helped me realise that I'm not alone and that it might take time but I will eventually pick up all my peices and become something better than I was to begin with. You are all very special, beautiful people and I love you all very much and if you ever need anything let me know. I could never turn my back on someone who opened their hearts to me in my time of need.

Kisses Ev

Friday, September 22, 2006

Tearfull thoughts

Sometimes life falls into place so nicely that you don't notice any of the potential bumps and accidents that could have happened along the way.
Then there are the other times...
As of late my life has been one giant car wreck. Here, I'd thought, "you know we made it through the worst it could ever possibly be" then what happens, well, for those of you who've been reading, you know what happened.
For some reason it all really hit me about an hour ago, I feel like I woke up and saw that what I thought was a giant nightmare that could be overcome, was really my life. I don't want to be in this moment. I want to either rewind to when Neil and I were happy and in love or fast forward to when I won't feel this pain. I feel like a glass jar full of marbles that has just been dropped on the floor and has shattered into ten million peices all over the room. My heart is so broken right at this moment.
Neil asked me the other day why I hadn't started going through my things and packing stuff up. I told him I didn't want to be rushed and I'd been busy, but really it's because I wanted to delay this feeling. Having to sort through all of the things that represent memories both good and bad and deciding what I want to remember is far too hard. I shouldn't have to choose.
I hate the thought that I will never have my little familly with him, yes we might have families with others but the one that we had planned will never be.
I hate when people say "it's for the best" or "That would have been a huge mistake", It's really none of their business, we are put here to make mistakes, to fall and learn. Who knows sometimes the things that "would have been a huge mistake" actually would have been the best possible thing that could have ever happened.

Not sure what to do with myself

here's the skituation...I gave my notice to the job I'd been at for the last year and because I'm going to a competitor, (same department with another non-profit) they saw it as a conflict of interest and have decided to pay me out so I couldn't take any contacts lists ect. It's pretty standard.
The only thing is I don't know what to do with myself for my time off with pay. I think it'll probably involve a lot of sleeping in, maybe some drinking and probably quite a few late movie nights.
So if anyone has suggestions let me know. tee hee.

Kisses Ev

Monday, September 11, 2006

Dancing in the kitchen in the crisp autumn air

I just wanted to write a little note to mention how I've totally fallen for the music of Jack Johnson. It's so mellow and positive.
Makes me feel really good.
You can't help but smile when listening to one of his CDs.
It was someone very near and dear to my heart who introduced me to this very talented musician.
I now have memories of dancing around on the tile in the kitchen with all the windows open so the crisp air comes flowing in to "better together" by Jack Johnson

there's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
no song that i could sing
but i can try for your heart
our dreams and they are made out of real things
like a shoebox of photographs

with sepiatone loving
love is the answer
at least for most of the questions in my heart

like why are we here
and where do we go
and how come we're so hard
it's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
i'll tell you one thing its always better when we're together

its always better when we're together
we'll look at them stars when we're together

and all of these moments
just might find there way into my dreams tonight
but i know that they'll be gone
when the morning light sings
and brings new things
but tomorrow night you see
that theyll be gone too
too many things i have to do
but if all of these dreams might find their way
into my day to day scene
i'll be under the impression
i was somewhere in between
with only twojust me and you
not so many things we got to door places we got to be
we'll sit beneath the mango tree

i believe in memories
they look so
so pretty when i sleep
hey now, and when i wake up
you look so pretty sleeping next to me
but there is not enough time
and there is no song i could sing
and there is no combination of words i could say
but i will still tell you one thing
we're better together

Thank you for that memory C, you made me oh so happy.

Saturday, September 09, 2006


I just wanted to write a quick post to thank everyone who has sent me well wishes. I really appreciate it. It's really helped to hear all the kind words you all have to say.
I'm taking everything one day at a time.

Thank you

Friday, September 08, 2006

Taking back this blog

Well I figure I owe everyone a small explanation of the strangeness that has been present in our lives.

See, last weekend Neil all of a sudden came to the idea that he wasn't ready to get married, this being only a couple days after him suggesting we go on a trip together ect. So needless to say kinda a shock. Part of me thinks this is a good idea as I really want him to be 100% sure before we jump into something like marriage, then there's the other part of me that's really wondering why there's such a sudden change. When telling friends that even saw us together on Friday they were compleatly taken aback as they saw the way he was lovingly looking at me, then on Tuesday he drops this bomb. Seems a little odd.

Well I'm taking every thing one day at a time and trying to hold together my sanity the best I can.
So for all of you who were counting down the days with us, you can stop as it might never be.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Lack of posts

Something has happened in our little world that might stop us from making any posts for a while. Please be patient as it'll all be better soon.