Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Mixed emotions


I've decided to blog about this because I don't know how else to get it out. I feel really bad when I start crying to friends and family so I figure here I can at least get all my feelings out and if somebody reads it great, if nobody does that's fine too.

As I said in my last post, my mother is dying of cancer. She has now taken a turn for the worst and is really weak and we're not sure how much longer she has left. Her liver is filled with tumours and the disease has begun to break her brittle bones, leaving her with a cane and unable to walk up and down stairs with any proficiency. She's still in her own home but has help that comes regularly.

Now here's the crazy thing. A month after my last post we found out we're expecting. We were given a 5% lifetime chance of ever getting pregnant again and that became a reality then. So in a couple short months this little boy who is kicking away in my belly will be born.

We don't know if my mom will live long enough to meet her only grandson. I know she desperately wants to hold him and see him grow, and so she continues the chemo that is leaving her exhausted and feeling miserable.

This has become such a hard time for my family and I. It's supposed to be so happy. We beat the odds. We're having the baby we never thought we would. But on the other hand we're losing someone we love to such an awful and horrific disease. Then there's the fact that Miss Maggie is going to take it really hard. She loves her grandma so much and she's also so excited about her baby brother.

I cry a lot over this.

If anyone is reading this. Please say a prayer for our family that the two of them will be able to meet and that my mom will be able to hold her grandson.

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