Friday, September 10, 2010

I'm back

Well I've decided to come back.

I'm sorry I took such a long break, shortly after I made my last post I received a very nasty email from THE ex. Those of you who are long time readers will know who I'm talking about. He said some very cruel things about my pregnancy and as such I knew he had been reading this site and quite frankly I didn't want him to know any more about that wonderful magical time. So I left. I am sorry. I hope you'll all forgive.

I now have a 14 month old beautiful little girl named Maggie. She is the light of my life. She also causes me the most frustration. I'm sure anyone who has kids knows exactly what I mean. You love them so much that they sometimes frustrate you to no end. I'm also currently 10 weeks pregnant with number 2. This one came as quite a surprise as recently my father passed away after suffering a stroke earlier in the year so needless to say we were VERY stressed. We did end up finding out about the pregnancy while my father was in the hospice and with those that I did share the news with it was a very welcome bit of good news during the storm of bad.

I've decided to come back because I'm starting to feel once again that I need an outlet, a place where I can share my feeling and all the crazy happenings in my life right now. I remembered how much I loved writing this blog and how it provided me with so much release. So because of that I'm going to start it up again. The passing of my dad has been very hard on me. He was my hero, the smartest man I knew. I remember as a little girl if I ever had a question I would go and kneel beside his bed and ask. He ALWAYS knew the answer. With his passing I feel I've lost a huge part of my identity.
It's always so humbling to see someone you care so much about wither away in front of you. I'm reminded of a line from the Gilmore girls when Richard Gilmore had his heart attack Lorelai said he looked small laying there. I really know that feeling. To see the man I idolized be reduced to someone who couldn't even feed himself and had to be introduced to my husband because he didn't know who he was.
The thing that helped me be strong is that he always loved seeing Maggie. Even the day he had his stroke he wanted her to sit on his bed so that he could tickle her feet. I'm glad I have so many good memories to tell her.

His service was held on a beautiful saturday in August. The thing that touched me the most was that he had worked as a commissionaire at a police station for about 6 months before his stroke, so hardly a lifetime, but there were at least 10 police officers who came to the service in full uniform. Also everyone at the station had sent a giant bouquet of flowers not only when he got sick but also to the service, and they also took up a collection to get him a dvd player for the hospital and $ for my mom. It meant so much to us. I hope they know just how much it meant. It was so nice to hear them talk about how great my dad was. I will hold that with me forever.

So my life is starting to go back together. Piece by piece, eventually I'll make a whole again. I'm hoping this will help.

Sending love, love, love.

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