Friday, October 06, 2006

Thoughts and revelations

I've been doing a lot of thinking this last week.
I still have a lot of anger and hurt in my heart, but because I'm wanting to begin a new chapter in my life I want to heal my heart and cut through the anger and become a more loving, caring person.
I've found that writing my pain down on here for the world to see has been really theraputic for me. It must be the fact that I spent many years as a professional journalist, I'm used to the world reading my inner thoughts. I think it's also the closeness I feel to those who read my blog and the love I feel when you share your stories with me.

I've decided to write a list of the things that have caused me anger and pain in the last year in an attempt to free them from my keeping...

- When he cheated on me
- When they both tried to hide it from me
- When it was all said and done and I'd delt with it he told her I was still keeping him from talking to her, when I had actually become so numb that I didn't care
- When I realised that he misses the cat more than me
- When he stopped wanting to make love to me and would rather be with our other partner
- When he expected me to support him finacially
- When he'd try to convince me I was mentally ill as a way to explain my being oppinionated and emotional
- When he told me his family all hated me

And the one thing I did to free myself.... Move out while he was at work the day after he told me he only proposed to make her jelous.
I deserve so much more. I deserve to be free. I'm getting there. I'm a strong woman.

Also due to the overwhelming response from my HNT, i thought I'd post more pics of me with long hair. Enjoy.

5 comments:

Osbasso said...

Yep--the long hair's a keeper when you get it there again! Hang in there!

Shon Richards said...

Keep writing, keep venting and keep blogging him out of your life.

Jericho said...

You're strong enough - that's never been the issue. You're attractive and sexy enough... never the issue. Now you want it. Here's to you. :)

You look great, by the way!

Anonymous said...

was Brandi a big problem for you guys? the reason i'm asking is because my bf and I have just recently had our "girlfriend" move in with us and though i hate to admit it, I do get a little insecure at times, any input on this? (would be greatly appreciated)

Evalee said...

My only advice would be to go with your gut and don't push away any 'hunches' you might have about what's going on. Also keep the lines of communication open between you and your guy. All I can say is that I would would never do that ever again, I couldn't handle it when he wanted to stay up all night talking to her while i was sleeping and when he wanted to sleep in her bed and not mine. It was definatly a mistake, but right now I see it as a necissary evil as I saw all the bad things about out relationship and realised I needed out.
How's that for an answer? Contact me if you want to chat more.